2:10 pm Please come pick me up asap! Where did you go yesterday when you told me you said you would watch out for me!? I’m lying here with some chick who is definitely not my girlfriend…

2:15 pm Dude we went drinking the day before yesterday, you left the club TWO DAYS AGO with 3 or 4 strangers and babbled something about keep partying, that was at 9 AM! Where are you now?

2:44 pm woah my head. She’s awake now too… Apparently I joined those people for an after-hours party somewhere and we kept drinking the entire day… I seem to be in New Jersey now, goddammit. I was already wondering, never heard of that club in NYC!?

2.45am I just threw up in the toilet, where are you I cant see straight….

2.58am I just told some girl she had amazing hair…..she didnt its awful, I alsotols some guy I am a model for Vogue, he actually beived me! I think..

3.25am I can smell sick everywhere I go! This club is so skanky In bet they dont clean it at the end of the night.. eww grose! WHERE ARE YOU!!!

3.30 I am trying to find you, meet me at the front doors.. I think the sick smell may be you hun….

2:12 am Hey…a guy that cums after 2 minutes sucks, but a guy who takes 3 hours is also shitty… and the guy I picked up tonight lasted an eternity, probably about 5 hours!! fml

2:14 am You should’ve come by and slept with me instead!!!

2:20 am Ehm, actually I just wanted to let you know that you’re not the only loser I’ve had sex with :) good night

7:23 am Damn, I lost my house key! What should I do?

8:12 am Wait for the Butler to open the door.

2:21 am Please tell me you didn’t take that bitch back home with you??

2:27 am What’s your problem? She’s not exactly pretty, I know…

2:32 am Dude not only is she not pretty, she could actually be featured on Animal Planet!

1:32 am Hey, cn I come visit you and fck?

1:39 am Hello Michael, this is your Mom! Wrong number? What are you trying to say?

2:41 am Honey, I can’t fall asleep. :(

2:42 am Neither can I.

2:45 am You can’t either? How come?

2:47 am You keep sending me texts

05:49am BABE!!!! Just woke up in Jims bed, deff sure we slept together as ive woke up 69 suckin on him like a lollipop! PLEASE COME PICK ME UP UBER MISTAKE TIME!!!! plus bring pants i can’t find mine! xx

05:57 Wrong number sweetheart, where are you i’ll come get you, Mum x

2:57 am Man I gotta go take a dump!!!

3:01 am Why are you texting me about that?

3:05 am She’s on top of me, naked, and won’t let me leave!!

11:04 pm Am at the bar, downing some cold ones… Yeah!Come join us?! Max (party phone)

11:07 pm Party phone??? Only alcoholics like you have an extra phone to avoid drunk dialling…

11:12 pm Jealous, eh?